I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he just fucked me for my cheese..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
