I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
