my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
