i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
