Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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