I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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