I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
