I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
