guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
ttyl tear gas
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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