i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize