A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
