don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
