TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
