My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize