My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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