It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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