If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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