Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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