And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Randomize
