im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
