Only a mothe r could love this liver
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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