did you get engaged???
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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