I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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