I want to stick my p in your. b.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Will exercising make me less horny?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
