I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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