Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
