you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
