I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
