On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
