we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
