We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize