dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
