I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize