Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I know her cup size but not her name....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
