our cab driver is having phone sex.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
