Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
