Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
