Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
