He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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