i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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