let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
