It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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