Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
