Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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