I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
