Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
