That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
They have beer where we have blood.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
