How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
