I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
