the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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