It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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