I need to stop coming to work sober
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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