You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
