do herpes really smell.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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