Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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