I hate your face
one two three fourrrrnication!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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