A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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