He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
