Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
