I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize