i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
we're so committed to being not committed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize