So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
