saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
