any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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