she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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