yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im having a threesome with these popsicles
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
