Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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