This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
