if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
