True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
