So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
