I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
